Residues

         Just like everybody else, I love babies and wanted to have immediately after my marriage, which for some reason didn't happen until last year. Six long years of longing to hold my baby to my chest and pour my love was out of reach for me. When it happened, it was not what I envisioned.          I never realized I was pregnant and sometimes I forget that's how the pregnancy journey was for me. Very very smooth. Thanks to Jesus.  Everything was fine till 3rd month. I dropped most of my physical activity when pregnancy sustained 3rd month because when I got pregnant last time, within a month before I could realize I'm pregnant, I drained me out physically in all way I shouldn't and it ended up in missed abortion. During my 5th month scan. I was told baby is not getting enough nutrition and blood from me hence baby is underweight. I was put to bed rest, asked to take protein rich diet. This sustained till 31 weeks whe...

She was a genuine person. A humble, humours and lovely soul. She was not only my sister in law but also my best friend and a care taker. She never spends/takes anything for her. She wore simple clothes and led a simple life. She never said what she liked but sacrificed her life for her family. I still couldn't believe what has happened. I saw her after months, on an ICU bed with beep sounds, lying down without life. I have never seen/ dreamt of seeing her like that. She was the only healthy person in our family. This wasn't expected at all. I couldn't believe that she is lying down without her life. I held her hand tried to woke her up. Her hands were cold and her finger nails turned blue. Her left hand and legs were swelled up big. They said they revived her once. She was having the beleif that she would come back. But why? Nothing ever prayed went in vain. Why this? Where was the mistake? Why at this age? Why now? Why her? Why like this? Why God why? It's like you wer...

December something was telling me inside that a great miracle is about to happen to me, the only miracle I am waiting for now is my baby. After 5 years of marriage life, together and not together moments, I am waiting for a life to call me mommy. I started feeling weak as if I am totally exhausted physically and mentally. I was not able to eat properly. 'Should I check for the miracle, nope I was having infections, I am this weak how that will happen', I said to myself. I did everything as usual, the fast and body straining works. Mom said my face was glittering. 'Yeah it was sunlight', I said to myself. Others said my face looks very tired. Yeah I already felt exhausted. When I was about to travel somewhere after a pretty good time, I checked and saw the miracle happened already. Really. There were two lines on my strip. I am pregnant!! Seriously. I couldn't believe my eyes. But to my wonder it didn't bring me happiness either. 'What kind of emotion is t...

Mornings will always be on the fly routine for all women esp for working women. After all that running out and waiting for the elevator is one of the most annoying moment. And on that moment if you find your elevator is kept on hold by someone because they can't get inside and if they leave they have to wait a little more, its even more irritating. I always find my 5th floor guy who obviously will have less work than a woman, will keep the elevator  on hold until he does something inside his house. I am right one floor down. I always feel that if you are not ready for the elevator, then the elevator is not yours. I have been irritated like this 2 times before. 3rd time the little devil in me got on, I ran down the floor because I was also late and pressed all floors button because I wanted to teach him something, then I took my vehicle and left for office. I wanted to wait till he reaches down and look at him but I was already late. That was the last time my elevato...

I have different tastes, thoughts, concerns even decisions? yes I don't go with the world. And I have never felt bad about that expect for the likes I don't get on facebook because many will not agree to it.. ha ha.. It can also be understood like I have grown up with experiences which makes me think so. And now I think spending 978 crore for a satellite for a research purpose which solves no purpose. That's true. You eat then you clothe then you create a shelter then you decorate it. Its like straightaway doing the decors. Doesn't sound priority to me. I am not against any scientific development but there are a lot of people who starve and thirst in our country. I have seen worst lives. Today while riding back to my home, waiting in a trafficked signal,  I saw an old man in dirty clothes torn here and there with a plastic baggage beside him was sitting on a stone staring on the ground. I saw something in those eyes, which I cannot explain. Something like when you ar...

Its a saturday evening, after work I was riding home saw a 45 years old man in an old cycle which has a broken seat. Its really hard to understand how he manages to sit in that broken seat and peddle for a long distance. How will he feel when he reaches home? How much ache his back will give him? I remembered a conversation with colleagues when we were in juice shop, we discussed about how our parents were sacrificing so many things for themselves to get us what we need. My mom was a teacher and I remember her searching for a handbag for a very low price after the handbag which she currently uses torn apart that she can use it no more. But now we have too many matching for our dresses. As she was a teacher she would be needing too many sarees, but I never remember her purchasing something for herself. My dad never bought shirts, he cuts the torn collar to make it look decent and wears it. He never changed his worn-out slipper until it really tears apart. Now we are in a comforta...

I have this particular enemy in office who doesn't want to work and love bucketing superiors to escape and be in safe zone without doing work survived 34 years taking 75 thousand salary per month that could feed 3 families where they literally die working to make a living.  I am so angry at this which I can't stand. I don't talk to her, I don't mind her but whenever I see somebody doing her job I get so so furious. And when I said the prayer 'forgive me as I forgive those who wrong me' I stopped, I realised I didn't do this and I am not able to.