Confessions..

It was long back, when I was in my primary school can't remember when because I was so unconsciously living those years. I just remember what happened but was not able to understand why, how and the feelings behind it.

I remember there was a boy who is differently abled, his mental growth was abnormal. He studied in my class, guess his parents have thought allowing him to mingle with students can get him back normal. And I should really appreciate my school for taking such a student without thinking of their reputation or other parent's opposition.

He sometimes behave violently and I was sitting in 2nd bench he was in last bench so I don't know much on his activities. I usually have a well rapport with him because I'm not much wise to show difference between mentally grown and abnormal & I don't like that too. When he comes to me, I casually talk with him during breaks and on PT hours. He well responds. 

One day HM said that this boy's place should be changed and asked the class teacher to make him sit with someone who's considerate. I was called to sit beside him, previously seen him beating staffs and fellow students, I hesitated. But Miss said, "Everyone hesitating to sit beside him is obvious, how can you hesitate?". I was not able to answer her anything after these words. I sat beside him. As before I talk well with him, he well responds, what the tragedy is I don't understand what I'm dealing with and he listens to every word of mine.

I really can't understand what she meant that day, I told all this to my parents in the evening, as I usually do. Dad have a very very sympathetic feeling towards mentally challenged people and he said, "Your teacher was right, she has understood you don't know to show differences and you are kind to whomever you mingle with. Those people in earth are innocent and suffer in life a lot more than us, God has given us everything and we should take care of such people".

As I was so immature at mind, think I was the one who's mentally challenged, I don't understood his words too. We were sitting at the last bench, I was on the corner and he was beside me and there was someone beside him guess that was another boy. I usually talk well with him, and I say him politely about anything that's disturbing him to grow violent. He listens to it and says ok and then smiles, but I was not really taking care of him enough to change him to normal. 

But days and months passed, one day I don't know what happened on the other side of him he grew violent and fought with the other side student, Miss came and tried to control him, but he started beating everyone (not me he don't do this to me) and grew uncontrollable. Suddenly HM was called and she saw him more violent than before and said there was no improvement but his violent behaviour does, and asked the office asst's to take him down and he was taken home. After that incident he didn't come to school.

I'm so guilty now that God has given me an ability to keep him quite and the gift that he listens to every word of mine not even he does that with anyone not even to my staff. I have not used this ability to keep him quite and grew him to normal. Wish I could have been mature enough to understand what's happening beside me and my part in that.. I could have atleast tried my best enough to bring him normal..

I now understood those who think they are wise or immature enough to separate and ill treat and doesn't mind about the differently abled people, are the one who's mentally handicapped.. I'm one :( Wish I don't do this again even without consciousness..

Guilty enough.. I know sorry can't bring anything back but I have felt it..

Sorry Jesus.. Sorry Balaji..