I still couldn't believe

She was a genuine person. A humble, humours and lovely soul. She was not only my sister in law but also my best friend and a care taker. She never spends/takes anything for her. She wore simple clothes and led a simple life. She never said what she liked but sacrificed her life for her family. I still couldn't believe what has happened. I saw her after months, on an ICU bed with beep sounds, lying down without life. I have never seen/ dreamt of seeing her like that. She was the only healthy person in our family. This wasn't expected at all. I couldn't believe that she is lying down without her life. I held her hand tried to woke her up. Her hands were cold and her finger nails turned blue. Her left hand and legs were swelled up big. They said they revived her once. She was having the beleif that she would come back. But why? Nothing ever prayed went in vain. Why this? Where was the mistake? Why at this age? Why now? Why her? Why like this? Why God why?

It's like you were holding a handful of sand and suddenly it slips away between your fingers. No matter how hard you try to grip it without losing it, it slips away. No matter how bad you cry on road, no matter how hard you prayed in your room, no matter how much you were ready to give up in return, it slips away till you are left with none. Like a wave that was touching you in the shore and goes back inside and never returned, she left and never returned.

Even very small prayers were answered and why not this one? We have never thought bad for others. What was our sin that we should suffer, that she suffered for which she doesn't deserve? When I touched her foot and saw hard skins and corn underneath, I felt bad that we were so selfish that we didn't even cared to see her foot when she was alive and got her good slippers. Was this all our mistake that we failed to take care of her that God got angry and took His daughter back. I asked for forgiveness that I will personally take good, really good care of her, to give her back as another chance. But...the answer was no.. Is that so that we can change nothing in life by praying? Or Is that so that we cannot interfere what God has planned? I am lost and I seem drifting away in faith and hope. But Lord I couldn't doubt you because I didn't understand this, for you are our Father and you have your daughter on your lap now. This is the only consolation I have.