I have an enemy in office

I have this particular enemy in office who doesn't want to work and love bucketing superiors to escape and be in safe zone without doing work survived 34 years taking 75 thousand salary per month that could feed 3 families where they literally die working to make a living.  I am so angry at this which I can't stand. I don't talk to her, I don't mind her but whenever I see somebody doing her job I get so so furious. And when I said the prayer 'forgive me as I forgive those who wrong me' I stopped, I realised I didn't do this and I am not able to.

Living Vs Surviving

In office when our workload is less we used to do everything with concentration the observation will be enormous but when we are overloaded we tend to finish this off like grazing the grass. It's the same in living a life. Now I have more work and things to do, so I am grazing failing to observe which is why scribbling something in my blog now become a rare thing. Maybe this a phase where I find no time and there comes a time when I retire and I may search for a zone to talk to someone as all elders feel now. As I am in the customer service job, I meet so many elders eager to speak to me, but do to the next one waiting for me, I tend to avoid conversation which I should not be doing in customer service. So in the family. After growing old and experiencing things I found, "Happy and blessed is the man who finds a job which his soul likes and is near his house". It is not important to earn more, but it is important to stay near the family and do what you like.

The Difference Between Men and Women

Understanding about a particular subject changes with time and it changes much more in a woman's life. I am no exception. During my early days, I used to think men and women have no difference and even I have thought that men are better as I love my dad, he spends more time with me than mom and the way he lives, loves always captured me. Later I grew up to be a woman myself.

On a week off lazy tired Saturday, I woke up late as if I have satisfied all the sleep deprivation accumulated on that week. My husband next to me said he is hungry. Well, me too but to whom I will say. I got up made some tea, by the time I felt getting weak I realized I didn't even take water since I woke up. I was drinking water he was brushing. Gave him some tea and made the breakfast ready by the time he finished his morning call, my tea went cold. One of my favorite thing to do in the morning is dipping a biscuit and drinking the tea. That happens only in weekend and only when the tea is hot. Sipping the cold tea I realized that this is the difference between men and women. My mom has loved me in a way which is painful for her and never showed up. Understanding women are difficult and experiencing her love is life and living under her care is a blessing.!!

Today we had a meeting!!

             I work for a government bank and my chief manager first time was in a good mood called us spontaneously for a meeting. I expected a target or some efforts on business or for some marketing which is not my kind of thing. It started by making a note of what we have done and doing to the stress we handle from customers as well as management and also about our future.

             Then a voice of my head came from my colleague until our retirement we should be alive to retire. And all of them turned against her and talked like she is thinking negatively which will never happen. Manager was talking that even if you get any disease you also have the cure nowadays and he mentioned even cancer have a cure and looked into my eyes. The statement stirred something inside my soul.

              Any disease you can get and nowadays you have the cure for everything. Is that true?? NO. Whatever it may be you will lose your happiness, your health, your confidence, your hope, your interest in living, the happiness of your loved ones too. After all left out you should also be left out with some money to afford the cure, after the cure the medicines and the diet and the life you should go with. What hell is this?

              And another colleague said that she used to buy groundnuts and grind herself the oil she uses, I asked her, 'whether it is groundnut what she was buying?'. Life is not certain. We have made it worse to manage. If we have something good it is a blessing.

               Life is not the same as I had in my childhood neither it is going to be better in the future. Live for the moment. Take care. Be thankful. Be there for the people who loved you and the people you love. Don't make situations that will give you regret of not done or been there. Family and health are most important than job, business, and stress.

We didn't started as friends!!

Today is my colleagues birthday who turned out to be a good friend of mine nowadays. It's not like how we started. We had clashes we never spoke to each other. Last year we were left alone to talk and surprisingly both thoughts matches and in all that talking I found a wounded good heart. What she was releasing often was the frustration that was built up inside her heart by the society. And after looking at her this way one day, I said to her "I know when you are sad and when you are happy", she stopped laughing and looked into my eyes with a deep protruding look.

Nowadays after seeing all good souls sufferings, I don't wish anything for anyone, I know my plan is not going to work in life. And I just feel like, "no matter whatever you are going through, you can count on me as a good company".

My 2017 was like..

2017 the toughest year of my life and that also means blessed year too. Seeing your family suffer is the worst thing that can happen, and hiding your pain before them and acting like nothing happened is the worst experience when you feel broken inside and weak to the infinity. My brother and my husband was the shoulder that carried me along with my pain those days, the words they give at that time was the lesson I learnt on 2017.

Admits all confusion, fear, doubts, I learnt to pray, put everything on God's feet, trusting Him that wherever he is taking us will not harm us to whomever he is giving us will not harm us, blind faith, full faith with all my heart and the only faith I had.

The problems I faced were numerous but in everything I was empty handed only learning to trust God with all my heart, and at the end God walked us through.

I was not so into deep faith before, I was not knowing how to trust God blindly and with whole heart, I never understood how impossible things turn out when we simply pray and trust, I never understood unbelievable miracles, but now we are a living example. All things happened in my life are miracles. The biggest wonderful lesson I learnt in 2017 is TRUST GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART.

Thoughts attracts Incidents.. Do they really??

Sometimes I sound like a pessimist to me and others as well. Secret was one book which my friends prescribed me to read because I don't have a positive way of life. May be sometimes or often I am that way because my hope in life instead of renewing will get degraded with every bad incident. Life has been throwing out bad things at me and I am standing against all odds to survive the storm hoping for the shine. I have seen all good hearts with bad life not happy about living just pulling on their life. I don't really remember the day I turned a total negative thinker but I know I wasn't even a thinker before at the first place. I don't think thoughts attract incidents, because if it should, then I would be the happy careless soul in this world. And when I believed it didn't happened and when I lost all hope, something happened the other way. And there is no reason nor any proof of incident in my life and what I have seen, to make me believe that 'Secret' is true. Life is uncertain. Life is beautiful. Life is painful. Life has its own way of happening. You cannot trace anything between people with good deeds and people with bad deeds and the life they are living. Life is common for all and its not good for all and it has no reason to be bad for good people. Looking confused reading this, indeed I am. Well, life is confusing and I don't want it to be this way :)